Ranma Nibunnoichi Passion Spice?
by Caroline 'Kunoichi' Seawright
Summary: Ukyou plans to put Passion Spice into Ranma's food, so she can have him for herself...


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Ranma Nibunnoichi - Passion Spice ... ?  
  
All characters portrayed in this fanfic are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi  
and Shogakukan Inc, etc, etc, etc.  
  
NB. This has nothing to do with the Ranma Nibun No Ichi series!  
  
*Translations at the end of the story*  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
  
Ryouga opened a sliding door and walked through it, his eyes down. Ittai  
koko wa doko da? he thought, "ITTAI WA DOKO DA!?" He raised his face  
skywards as he yelled, looking up at a ceiling.  
  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Hentai!!" came a woman's scream.  
  
Ryouga blinked, Now where have I heard that voice before? He turned  
to the origin of the scream... and promptly fainted, a fountain of blood  
splurting from his nose.  
  
Ukyou stared as Ryouga fainted, and lowered her spatula. "Ryouga-kun?" she  
asked. He did not stir, so she sighed and stepped back into the bath,   
sitting down to relax in the hot water. Feh! One look at a naked body and   
he keels over! What's the point in wanting to marry Akane when he wouldn't   
be able to get through their wedding night conscious, let alone their   
honeymoon! She closed her eyes and relaxed, knowing Ryouga would be out   
for a LONG time.  
  
[One hour later]  
  
Eventually Ukyou left the bath and dried herself with a towel, wrapping   
another towel around her hair. She fastened the first towel around herself   
and looked at Ryouga's sleeping form. What on earth are we to do with you,   
Ryouga-kun? She shook her head and took a bucket of cold water, and splashed   
it in his face...  
  
Suddenly there was a very cute, little, black, spluttering pig in Ryouga's  
place. It looked up, fearfully... but Ukyou was standing too close. P-chan  
saw up her towel and fainted again.  
  
Ukyou blinked with surprise, "Ryouga is P-chan?" She bent down and picked up  
the little piglet by his collar, one of Ryouga's bandannas. Akane sleeps  
with Ryouga! she thought, staring at the piglet in her hand. The pig lifted  
out of Ryouga's clothes easily, and Ukyou shook her head again, "Jyusenkyou.  
Figures. Well, it's time we had a little talk, Ryouga-kun." With that, she   
dumped him in the bath.  
  
A moment later, a wet and naked Ryouga sat up in the bath, spluttering. "What  
the - ?!"  
  
Ukyou eyed him and he shut up, finally realising where he was. Not wanting a  
spatula to the head, he waited for her to speak.  
  
"Sorry, Ryouga-kun, but this isn't the Tendou Doujou, and you're not going to  
find Akane-chan here, any time soon."  
  
"Errrrr, well. Sorry, Ukyou-san. Would you be able to give me directions?"  
  
Ukyou narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. I wonder if he even realises  
that I know who 'P-chan' is. She shook her head again then looked into his  
eyes, "I wonder what would happen if Akane-chan found out who P-chan really  
is..."  
  
Ryouga's eyes clouded with fear, "N-nan da!? I... I'm not P-chan!!"  
  
"Feh. Ryouga-kun, you've just given yourself away. I never accused you, did  
I? Well... how do you plan on keeping this from her?"  
  
"You won't tell, will you?" he asked desperately, reaching out to grab her  
hands, his expression pleading. "You know that I love her... I only want to   
be held by her..." He trailed off and sighed, "But she only does that to me   
as P-chan... Why am I so cursed?! It is all that damned Ranma's fault!! He   
did this to me! He - "  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Ukyou thumped him soundly over the head with her giant spatula. "Leave  
Ran-chan out of this. He never put you in her arms as P-chan, now, did he?"  
  
"Ummmm... Not exactly..."  
  
"Look, maybe we can do something to get you with Akane and myself with  
Ran-chan... Hmmm... I know of a way, but I've never figured out how to get  
the ingredient that I need. Do you think that you could use your cursed   
form to create a diversion?"  
  
Ryouga blinked, "I guess so... if you show me where to go. What is it you're  
after?"  
  
"I need to get the passion spice from Shampoo and o-baba. Ran-chan and  
Akane will never suspect my okonomiyaki to be laced with magic, ne?"  
  
Ryouga nodded. "What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Well, I can suggest to them, through Ran-chan, that maybe whole boiled  
piglet would be a nice meal..."  
  
"NO! I will NOT be put through that situation again!!" Old memories flooded  
into his mind.  
  
"Ryouga-kun, it's the only way to win Akane, you know. Ran-chan's not good  
for her, and I'll keep him away so you can have Akane-chan for yourself..."  
  
"The only way?" he asked in a small voice.  
  
Ukyou nodded.  
  
"Then I will do it for Akane-san's sake!"  
  
"Well, Ran-chan's coming over for some okonomiyaki soon, so I'll plant the  
suggestion in his mind. Just hang around here till I'm finished, okay? I'm  
sure he's going to go to the Nekohanten next." She stood up, Well, let's  
have a little fun, first. Ryouga's cute when he's fainted like that! She  
giggled a little and took the towel from her head, then, facing him, started   
to undo the towel around her body.  
  
"No! Ukyou-san!" Ryouga jumped out of the bath to try to stop her, trying to  
avoid another nose bleed and fainting session. But he was too late. He only  
succeeded in planting his face in her cleavage as she dropped the towel. He  
cried out and fainted. Fortunately for Ukyou, he shoved two cotton balls up  
his nose before he bled all over her.  
  
"Ryouga-kun, you'll have to get over this habit if you want to make Akane  
happy." She admired his fainted, naked body for a moment, then went and got  
dressed, leaving Ryouga to recover.  
  
[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya, later]  
  
Ukyou smiled as she looked up, watching Ranma enter. "Hi, Ran-chan! I have  
a special okonomiyaki ready for you!"  
  
"Great, Ucchan, I'm starved! Akane tried to cook again." He grimaced, sitting  
down on a stool at the counter.  
  
"Well, here you go!" She served him a seafood okonomiyaki with his name  
written in Ukyou's special sauce on the top.  
  
He started to greedily gobble up the meal, Ukyou hovering near by.  
  
"You know, I saw a recipe for boiled piglet in a Chinese cook book. I wonder   
how that would taste on okonomiyaki..."  
  
"Hmm?" Ranma looked up with his mouth full, "Pig?"  
  
"Un," Ukyou nodded, "Pity I don't cook Chinese cuisine. I wonder if Shampoo  
has that on her menu, because I'd like to try it!" she lied happily.  
  
Ranma nodded, "Yeah, maybe I'll go ask her, after I finish this." He  
continued to stuff himself with okonomiyaki.  
  
Ukyou smiled and nodded, watching him eat. Soon, you'll be mine, Ran-chan...  
  
[Ukyou's bathroom]  
  
When Ukyou came back upstairs, Ryouga was dressed and waiting. "You're sure  
this will work?"  
  
Ukyou nodded, "You just have to get Shampoo and the old bag out of the  
Nekohanten while I grab the spice. Ran-chan's over there, probably asking  
right now. Hmmm." She looked at him, "You'll have to lose the bandanna,  
though. Cologne may realise who you are, otherwise. And maybe I'll have to  
dye your hair a white or pink colour." Ukyou smiled, mischief in her eyes.  
  
"What!? And look like some sort of blond gaijin!?"  
  
"Remember, Ryouga, this is for Akane."  
  
He nodded miserably as Ukyou took out a bottle of hair dye and a bucket  
of cold water, "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit!"  
  
[Outside the Nekohanten]  
  
Ukyou dropped a little pink piglet outside the Nekohanten. Looking secretly  
inside, she saw Shampoo going through a recipe book with Cologne. Ukyou  
whispered, "Good luck, Ryouga-kun." Then she melted into the shadows of the  
near by alley.  
  
Ryouga bukii!ed outside the resturant, making his squeal loud enough to be  
heard. He ran around, just outside the door, hoping to be noticed. A high  
pitched "Aiya! Buta!" came from inside the shop. Ryouga started to run.  
  
Ukyou watched as the little pink piglet ran off, Shampoo chasing him. The  
old ghoul pogoed out on her walking stick, "Shampoo! Wait! Don't bruise the  
pig or it won't be tender!" Cologne followed after Shampoo. Ukyou took this  
opportunity to slip into the shop... After a few moments, she headed back  
to Ucchan's, holding a bottle.  
  
[A few hours later]  
  
A while later, the pink coloured P-chan ran into Ucchan's. Amazing he found  
his way here! thought Ukyou. She picked him up and hid him behind the  
counter, just as Shampoo ran past. Cologne stopped at the door.  
  
"Did you see a pig running by?" the old goat asked.  
  
Ukyou tilted her head to the side, "So THAT's what all that noise was! I  
thought that Shampoo was just chasing Ran-chan again. If she's chasing a  
pig, maybe she's found a suitable husband for her! Pity the pig wasn't   
interested. I guess even pigs have some taste!"  
  
Cologne scowled at Ukyou, "You are just jealous of Shampoo and muko-dono."  
With that, Cologne hopped out to follow Shampoo.  
  
Ryouga ran around on the floor at Ukyou's feet. "How could she even joke  
about Shampoo marrying me!? Arrgh!" came out as a high pitched squeal,  
along the lines of "Bukii, kiiii, bweeee, buki!"  
  
"Urusee, Ryouga-kun!" Ukyou picked him up and took him upstairs to the  
bathroom. She dropped him in the hot water. With a *splash*, a naked, pink  
haired Ryouga sat up. Ukyou thrust a bottle of shampoo into his hands.  
  
"I got the spice, so don't complain, Ryouga-kun. Soon you'll have Akane  
for yourself."  
  
Ryouga kept his mouth shut, glowering at Ukyou as he started to wash the pink  
dye from his hair.  
  
"Now all we need are Ran-chan and Akane to come over here for a meal. And  
they are already coming over tonight. Well, I think that Akane will be, as  
she usually follows Ran-chan." Ukyou watched him as he got out of the bath,  
blushing and trying to hide himself. He splashed a bucket of hot bath water  
over his head, washing away the shampoo.  
  
The hot water ran down his body, highlighting his muscles. The water gleamed  
as it caught the light from the window, almost making Ryouga's skin sparkle.  
The body of a martial artist, Ryouga's muscles were not too big. His body was  
firm and well proportioned... She gazed at him, almost wishing he was a  
sculpture to view. So much like Ran-chan's physique, she thought. She gave   
a soft sigh.  
  
As the pink dye washed out, Ryouga heard Ukyou's sigh, and turned to her,  
"Nan da?" He saw her and how she was staring at him and froze, his face  
turning a deep shade of red. "U...Uk...Ukyou-san!"  
  
Ukyou blinked a little and looked up at his face, his hair black once again.  
"Gomen, Ryouga-kun..." She smiled. If everything works out, Akane's going  
to be one lucky girl! He's loyal and devoted and cute... and *so* sexy! She  
leaned forward and pushed lightly at his shoulder, breaking his balance. He  
fell with a *SPLASH* back into the bath. "I'm going to wait downstairs for  
Ran-chan and Akane to come over. Come downstairs when you're dressed!" She   
smiled and left the room, leaving Ryouga spluttering in the bath.  
  
[Back in the okonomiyaki-ya]  
  
Ryouga sat at a corner of the counter as Ukyou spiked her special sauce with  
the passion spice. As she stirred it in, Ranma and Akane entered.  
  
"Hi Ucchan! Your cooking saved my life yesterday!"  
  
Ukyou smiled as Akane hit Ranma over the head with a nearby chair. "Any time,  
Ran-chan."  
  
"Ranma no baka," Akane muttered, putting the remains of the chair back in   
place. She stomped over to the counter and sat next to Ryouga. "Hi,   
Ryouga-kun." Akane said and smiled at him. At least Ryouga likes my   
cooking! See if I ever try to be nice to Ranma, ever again!  
  
At Akane's smile, Ryouga's heartbeat sped up and he nervously snapped a pair  
of chopsticks in half. "A...Akane-san!"  
  
Ranma glared at Ryouga and dropped into the chair next to Akane. "Can't handle  
the truth, irokeganee onna?"  
  
Akane ignored Ranma, turning to glare at the counter in front of her.  
  
Ukyou poured the special sauce on the four okonomiyaki, and served them to  
everyone. For some strange reason, the restaurant had cleared when a certain  
chair had hit a certain pig-tailed boy's head. Well, I guess it's best that  
way. No-one else to mess up the magic.  
  
Ranma, as per normal, grabbed the okonomiyaki and stuffed it in his mouth.  
Akane took a bit of hers, eating it more delicately. Both Ukyou and Ryouga ate  
a little of theirs.  
  
I've got to get Ran-chan alone before the spice takes effect, Ukyou thought,  
And that way Ryouga'll be left with Akane... And everyone'll be happy! She  
leaned over to Ryouga whispering, "I'll take Ran-chan and leave you with  
Akane."  
  
Ryouga blinked, "But what do I do?"  
  
"Just stay with her, and the spice'll do the rest," she whispered back.  
  
While Ukyou and Ryouga whispered, Akane turned to glare at Ranma, "You eat  
like a pig!"  
  
"Just because I appreciate good food! If you think I eat like a pig, it's no  
wonder you feed me that pig slop you call cooking!"  
  
"What!? I try my best and all you can do is insult me!"  
  
"It's only the truth!" He glared at her. All of a sudden the look in Ranma's  
eyes changed. His eyes went blank and he fell forward, his face planted on the  
counter.  
  
"Ranma! Quit fooling arou..." Akane stopped, her eyes going blank. After a  
moment, she fainted.  
  
Ryouga and Ukyou both looked up, "Akane!" Ryouga cried out...then he promptly  
fainted as well.  
  
What the...? Is passion spice meant to do that? Ukyou thought. She reached  
out to grab the bottle... then collapsed at the counter with the others.  
  
[Early evening]  
  
Ranma sat up, his head spinning, "Itetetetetetete." He clutched his aching  
head, waiting for the feeling to subside. I don't remember drinking anything  
last night! Eventually he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in  
Ucchan's, and Akane, Ukyou and Ryouga were sprawled over the counter.  
Itai... He reached over to Akane and gently shook her shoulder, "Akane?  
Daijoubu?"  
  
Akane groaned, sitting up. "Ranma?" she managed to ask after the pain   
subsided. She looked at him, noticing a strange look in his eyes. "Nani yo?"  
  
Ranma reached out and wrapped his arms around her, "Akane."  
  
Akane blinked and tried to think of a reason to punch him off her. For some  
reason, she couldn't think of one. She wrapped her arms around him, "Ranma."  
  
Ranma sat there holding her, wondering what on earth he was doing. But he held  
onto her, actually enjoying not being hit by her for a change... And she felt  
so nice to hold. Maybe I should have done this before? But she was always  
hitting me... What possessed me to do this now?  
  
Akane sat in his arms, wondering what to do. He hasn't insulted me, yet.  
What the heck's gotten into him? She wondered about letting go and sitting  
up, but she continued to hold him, enjoying the moment. After all, it may  
not last long.  
  
Suddenly Ranma was filled with the longing to kiss her. He looked down, his  
thoughts, unbidden as usual, going straight from his brain to his mouth,  
"Kawaii."  
  
Akane blinked, looking up. Did I hear right? As she stared up, she found  
her face close to his... And let herself drift closer... Until their lips  
met.  
  
Ranma closed his eyes as he kissed her, Akane responding to the kiss. They  
held each other tighter, both exploring the experience. Ranma instinctively  
parted his lips, Akane following suit. Their tongues began to probe each  
other's mouths as they kissed, moving in soft flicking motions.  
  
Ukyou sat up, the pain of her headache showing in her face. She pressed her  
hand to her forehead and opened her eyes. Ryouga was still out. She shook  
her head, trying to clear it. "What hit me?" she wondered, then hit Ryouga  
over the head, "Oi! Wake up!"  
  
Ryouga groaned and sat up, "What did you do that for!?" He glared at Ukyou.  
He winced a little in pain, then looked around and saw Ranma and Akane  
kissing. He blinked, "N...nan da?!" He yanked at Ukyou's top and turned her  
head towards the couple.  
  
Ukyou stared, "They're... kissing?"  
  
For some reason, neither Ukyou nor Ryouga were able to work up enough anger  
to attack, or even break up Ranma and Akane. They both just sat and stared  
completely stunned.  
  
"I guess Akane has always loved Ranma more than me," Ryouga murmured. No!  
What is this? Ryouga, fight! cried a small part of his mind. Ryouga ignored  
it and just looked sadly at the two.  
  
Ukyou gave a soft sigh, "And I'll never be more than a friend to Ran-chan."  
She was ignoring the small part of her mind. Ukyou! Break them up! Get  
Ran-chan for yourself! She shook her head, "What's happened to us?"  
  
Ryouga gave a half shrug. "I guess it was that spice..." He picked up the  
bottle and looked at it, "It's labelled 'The Path of the True Way'" He  
frowned, "When did I learn Chinese? I thought the only kanji from the label  
that I could read was 'spice'!"  
  
Ukyou frowned too, "I must have taken the wrong bottle in my rush. I was sure  
that the kanji for 'passion' was on the label. I must have grabbed the bottle  
next to the passion spice! Hrmmmmm... 'The Path of the True Way'? The way   
things are meant to be... No wonder o-baba never used this before... Now   
there's no hope for Shampoo."  
  
Ryouga nodded, "She will just have to get over him. Let's go, Ukyou-san.  
Leave them alone for a while." He could sense their destinies. It was  
hopeless to try to change things. He stood up and smiled a little at Ukyou.  
  
She nodded, taking the bottle from Ryouga, then took his hand. "Lead the way,  
Ryouga-kun." She smiled as he blushed, but he still managed to find his way   
to the door. They stopped and looked back at Ranma and Akane.  
  
Ranma broke the kiss, looking up at them, "Thank you..." They understand. I  
think we all do.  
  
Akane smiled, "Take care. We'll see you again, soon."  
  
"Ja, ne," said Ryouga, while Ukyou waved. Then they left the restaurant.  
  
Ukyou called, "Close the restaurant for me!" Soon, with Ryouga leading the  
way, they were lost.  
  
[The Nekohanten]  
  
Cologne went through her kitchen, cooking up ramen for the customers. She  
frowned, noticing her secret store of magical ingredients was in disarray.  
Shampoo wouldn't make such a mess like this... She started putting the  
ingredients back in order... Suddenly she stopped. "The True Way spice...  
Masaka!" She hopped out of the kitchen to find Shampoo, ignoring Mousse as  
he scrubbed the floor.  
  
[Nerima]  
  
Ranma and Akane wandered home, holding hands, after closing Ucchan's. Ranma  
smiled at Akane, "You know... I think we should get married."  
  
Akane smiled back, her face shining with happiness, "Un. Let's tell the  
family!" They continued walking home, "But break it to them gently."  
  
[Somewhere in a forest]  
  
Ukyou sat by the campfire next to Ryouga. She stared into the fire, a soft  
smile on her face, "I wonder how the Kunous'll react to all of this?"  
  
Ryouga shook his head, "Feh, it probably won't change a thing for them.  
Kunou's too stupid, and his sister is insane."  
  
Ukyou nodded, "Yeah, I guess that'd be right. I can't imagine them ever  
stopping their craziness." She leaned against Ryouga, leaning her head against  
his shoulder, "But... you never know."  
  
Ryouga blushingly let an arm slip around her shoulder. What about Akari?  
He asked himself, but he knew the answer. "I think we know. And we know about  
Konatsu and Akari..."  
  
Ukyou nodded, smiling, "They will be the ones for us... But just for now..."  
She trailed off, the reached up and kissed him full on the lips, her eyes  
closing. He kissed back, blushing furiously but enjoying the kiss.  
  
[Outside the Nekohanten]  
  
Shampoo looked up, "What wrong, hiibaa-chan?"  
  
"You didn't touch the magic spices, did you?"  
  
Shampoo shook her empty head. It rattled.  
  
Cologne's frown deepened, "Quick, Shampoo. We must find muko-dono... Fast!"  
  
[The Tendou Doujou]  
  
Nabiki, Kasumi, Souun, Genma-panda and Nodoka were gathered in the family  
room. Ranma looked at them, then turned to look at Akane. She nodded, smiling  
at him. Ranma turned to the group. "Akane and I have an announcement to make."  
  
Genma butted in, "That you will marry Akane!?"  
  
Akane nodded, "Correct."  
  
Everyone but Kasumi stared in shock... then face-faulted. Kasumi smiled  
sweetly.  
  
Ranma laughed and took Akane's hand, "What happened to 'breaking it to them  
gently'?"  
  
Akane shrugged and giggled, but said nothing.  
  
[Nerima]  
  
Shampoo and Cologne sped through the streets of Nerima, searching desperately  
for Ranma, hoping to stop him from touching the spice. It may only be   
temporary, but the damage could be done quickly.  
  
"Ranma!" called Shampoo, running towards the Tendou Doujou.  
  
[The Tendou Doujou]  
  
Ranma kneeled on a low dais, next to Akane, in the middle of the doujou. A  
Japanese screen, covered with beautiful designs, for luck, was behind them.   
Everything done in 52 seconds!? That must be a world record for wedding   
preparations! He was dressed in a traditonal black wedding outfit - black   
hakama and a black montsuki. Under it was a dark kimono, then a white one.   
The montsuki was held closed by a white tassel. The dark outfit suited him,   
making him look very handsome.  
  
He looked around the room. It was festooned with streamers and other   
decorations. A large sign said 'Congratulations on Akane and Ranma's Wedding.'  
Souun was crying floods of tears and helping prepare the special cup of sake.  
Genma stood nearby, throwing rice around. Nabiki, Nodoka and Kasumi were   
ready with the special wedding banquet.  
  
Akane smiled over at Ranma. She was dressed in an expensive white silk wedding  
outfit, a white, three layered kimono. Small silver and gold designs of cranes   
decorated the outer kimono. It flowed to the floor, folded back at her feet   
and trailed to the floor behind her. The sleeves were long, almost reaching   
to the floor. The kimono was held together by a decorative knot which let the   
two other kimono be displayed. Both sat just so, the middle kimono turning   
red at her feet, where the outer kimono parted. The tsunokakushi sat on her   
head, covering her short, black hair. She was a stunningly beautiful bride.   
We are to be married. Oh, Ranma...  
  
Souun held out the special three cups of sake, impatient for his daughter and  
Ranma to be wed. Genma stood with him, his wife close by, watching their son.  
Kasumi and Nabiki waited, watching the couple.  
  
Ranma cleared his throat, then said, "I declare my love for Akane, before you  
all. I will be a good husband to her, looking after her and cherishing her  
forever. Although we will fight, my heart belongs to her. No-one else will  
tempt me from her. Together, we will carry on the doujou... Because I love  
you, Akane."  
  
Akane smiled into Ranma's eyes, "And I love you, Ranma. For you, I shall be  
the best wife I can be, and always stand by you. You have my heart... And I  
give you myself. We shall be together, forever... The wishes of our parents  
will be fulfilled... as will my wish to be your wife, Ranma."  
  
The family worked their way through the wedding ceremony, both the bride and  
groom taking turns to sip the sake from the three cups, declaring their love.  
As the ceremony came to a conclusion, Souun was already crying floods to   
tears. Both families were overjoyed at the marriage of the couple, everyone   
knowing that their love was true.  
  
Ranma looked at his wife and smiled. He moved over to her, taking her in his  
arms. Softly he whispered, "Suki da, Akane."  
  
Akane smiled back, "Atashi mo, Ranma." She leaned up to him and their lips  
met. Suddenly, fireworks and firecrackers were let off and the whole family  
started celebrating. "To Ranma and Akane Saotome, and to the Musabetsu Kakuto  
Saotome Ryuu To Tendou Ryuu!"  
  
It was then that Shampoo burst in through a wall, wielding her bonbori. "Get  
away from Shampoo's groom!"  
  
Akane stopped kissing Ranma and looked up, "It is the way things are, Shampoo.  
I am now Akane Saotome, wife of Ranma. You have to look for a new love."  
  
Ranma nodded, "I love Akane, Shampoo. I'm sorry, but I never loved you the  
way you wanted me to. You can never be anything more than a friend to me."  
  
Shampoo stared in shock, dropping her bonbori, "So...Sona! Ranma!"  
  
Ranma stood up, taking Akane's hand. He turned away from Shampoo, leading  
Akane back to the house.  
  
"Noooooooooo! Ranma!" Shampoo called, collapsing to the floor. She started  
crying, "Shampoo will kill Akane!"  
  
At this, Nodoka shook her head, "You will do no such thing." As Shampoo moved  
to stand, still crying about how she would murder Akane, Nodoka hit her over  
the head with the hilt of her katana.Shampoo fell back to the floor, out cold.  
With that, Souun poured cold water over her, then stuck her in a box that   
Genma had prepared. He then taped the box shut while Nabiki stuck stamps on it  
and addressed it. Kasumi took the package and wandered off to post it.  
  
"Oh my. I hope she likes the Mohabe Desert."  
  
[Somewhere in a forest]  
  
Ukyou slept in Ryouga's arms, Ryouga himself sleeping next to the dying  
campfire.  
  
[The Nekohanten]  
  
Mousse sat in the Nekohanten, polishing his glasses and wondering where  
Shampoo and Cologne had gotten to. It was getting late.  
  
[Nerima]  
  
Cologne finished searching Nerima. Finding nothing, she headed for the Doujou.  
  
[The Tendou-ke]  
  
Ranma led Akane to her room and sat down on the bed, next to her. He smiled  
and took off her tsunokakushi, "No matter what happens, remember the truth is  
that I love you."  
  
She smiled back up at him, her smile warming his heart, "And I love you."  
Pressing close to him, she kissed him deeply.  
  
Slowly, Ranma caressed her back and neck as they kissed with a tender passion.  
He held her close, enjoying having his love in his arms. He felt her arms  
around him, her small hands running up and down his back.  
  
Akane felt Ranma's hands work down her back, then slide down around her waist  
to her hips. Oh, Ranma... Ureshii... she thought, leaning back a little.  
  
He followed her lean to continue kissing her sweet lips. Letting his hands  
slide around to her stomach, then upwards until he found the intricate knot,  
holding her kimono closed. Slowly he undid it, never breaking the kiss.  
  
The second kimono was revealed as Ranma slid the outer kimono from around his  
new wife, almost carelessly letting it flutter to the floor. Akane helped him  
undo the next kimono, then the third. A soft pile of beautiful silk formed on  
the floor, the tsunokakushi dropping on top.  
  
As Ranma stopped to gaze at her, she undressed him, undoing his montsuki. His  
kimono quickly following, adding to the pile of silk. Akane worked at the  
hakama. She was only dressed in small, wispy pieces of silk and lace, an  
outfit Happousai would be blessed to ever see once in his life time! The  
material clung to her body, revealing how sexy her figure actually was, when  
she took the effort to look alluring. Her breasts were covered in the fabric,  
pulled taut to show off her sleek curves. It moulded to her skin, over her  
thin waist, then down to hide her sex. It left most of her skin bare, showing  
off more cleavage than Ranma actually realised she had. Her smooth, well  
shaped legs looked even longer as the outfit was extremely high cut. Small  
swirl patterns of pretty lace was sewn into the silk, letting tiny spots of  
her vibrant skin show through. Ranma gulped.  
  
Akane gave a smile, mischief glowing in her eyes. She removed Ranma's hakama,  
then leaned back on the bed, gazing back at him. He was dressed only in a  
pair of yellow boxers with blue edging. Her eyes ran over the well toned  
muscles of his arms and chest, slowly working down to his washboard stomach.  
She let her eyes linger on the large lump in his boxers. "Ranma..." she  
whispered, "I'm all yours, tonight..."  
  
Ranma's eyes followed her gaze, blushing a little. "Akane..." he whispered  
back. Then he lowered his boxer shorts, kicking them to the floor, joining  
the pile of black and white silk by the bed.  
  
Moving up a little, Akane reached out and took his hand, her eyes running back  
up to his face from his hardened manhood. She kissed his fingertips, then she  
licked them. "Ranma... My husband..."  
  
Ranma moaned softly, his excitement growing. He reached out and ran his hands  
over her breasts, then slid them down her sides, and, finding a zip, undid  
her lingerie. It practically fell from her, sliding off her sleek form. Her  
well formed breasts, perky pink nipples already hard... Her flat, smooth  
stomach... the delta of dark hair at her sex... He moved a hand down to part  
her legs, gently, wanting to gaze at her, fully. "My wife... oh, so sexy..."  
he managed to moan.  
  
Akane lifted her hands to wrap around his neck, "Be gentle, Ranma..." She  
lifted her face to his and kissed him again, deeply and passionately. He  
responded, pressing his body down against her, his hand exploring her...  
  
Suddenly the door opened with a thud and Cologne hopped into the room, "What  
have you done!?" She stared at the naked newlyweds who were quickly trying to  
cover themselves with a bedsheet. "Where's Shampoo?"  
  
Ranma glared at her, but still blushed deeply, "She's not here! And, I'm  
telling you once and for all! Get out of here and leave us alone. I'm married  
to Akane, and there's no way in any future that I'll marry Shampoo. We all  
know, so give it up, ghoul!"  
  
Akane nodded, hiding herself behind Ranma, still half under his body. "We   
know the truth. You know it, too. Nothing that happens will change this."  
  
Cologne glared, grinding her teeth. They're right! What will become of  
Shampoo? She will never accept this... "Where's Shampoo? I have to look  
after her through this... We can't even go back to China, not with this  
loss of honour."  
  
"On her way to the Mohabe Desert," Nabiki said, leaning in through the door,  
the glass, reserved for listening through walls, in her hand hidden behind   
her back.  
  
"Ack!" Ranma blushed harder.  
  
"Oneechan!"  
  
Cologne glowered then turned and hopped out of the room.  
  
Nabiki grinned, "Sorry, but you know how things are... We have to know if you  
two're going to go through with it!"  
  
Akane threw a pillow at her, "No more listening, oneechan!"  
  
Nabiki laughed, dodging the pillow, then shut the door behind her, joining   
the rest of the family who were in the hallway, half of whom were also holding  
listening glasses. Genma, however, being better prepared than the others, was  
holding a stethoscope.  
  
[The Nekohanten]  
  
Mousse continued to wait in the Nekohanten.  
  
[Over the sea]  
  
Shampoo-neko slept in the box as it made its way to the Mohabe Desert.  
  
[Akane's bedroom]  
  
The newlyweds enjoyed spending their first night together in passion and love,  
their love making filled with tenderness... Eventually falling asleep as the  
sun began to rise, both holding each other in a loving, intimate embrace.  
  
[Somewhere in a forest]  
  
Ukyou yawned, sitting up. She turned and looked at the sleeping Ryouga, then  
frowned. I *let* Ran-chan and Akane...? She ran a hand through her hair,  
"Dammit! I remember, but I can't accept it! Oi, Ryouga!"  
  
Ryouga blinked, sitting up, "Nan da?" He looked at Ukyou for a moment, then  
his eyes went wide, "They kissed!! How could that yarou lay his hands on my  
beloved Akane-san!?"  
  
"We'll have to get back and stop them, Ryouga-kun!" Ukyou stood up and  
quickly cleared the camp. And I *made* Ryouga get us both lost, just to  
give them time together!  
  
Ryouga got up and helped Ukyou, eventually following her back towards Nerima.  
  
[The Mohabe Desert]  
  
Shampoo-neko yowled miserably, sitting in the burning sands. Ranma! I love  
you!  
  
[Akane's bedroom]  
  
Ranma sat up at the sound of a scream.  
  
"Hentai!!!"  
  
He was awoken by something hitting him in the face, and the resultant meeting  
of the back of his head with a wall. He groaned in pain and pressed his hands  
to the slap mark on his face. "Nan da, Akane!?" He opened an eye. Hmm.  
Akane's bedroom. Akane on the bed. He shook his head and then focused both  
eyes on Akane. She's covering herself with sheets. I wonder why?  
  
"Get dressed, sukebe!" Akane yelled, trying to hide further under the sheets.  
We couldn't have done *that*... could we? Her mind grappled, trying to  
recall yesterday's events. A wedding? No, I must have dreamed of marrying  
him...  
  
Ranma jumped up, then blinked as he noticed he was naked. He acked and grabbed  
the nearest thing to cover himself with. Then it hit him. Akane's naked under  
the sheets! He stared at her in shock. Another thought worked its way into  
his brain. Last night? The wheels in his mind slowly turned accompanied by  
a grinding screech, a cloud of dust and a bunch of surprised moths.  
  
Akane looked around the room. Those clothes... Ranma's holding a  
tsunokakushi! Is it true? She pointed at the clothing. "Wedding clothes...  
It... wasn't a dream?"  
  
Ranma stared, remembering. He gulped, "And we really did... m... make... l...  
lo... ack... *that*? It wasn't a dream?!"  
  
They both coloured deeply, staring.  
  
[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya]  
  
Akari turned up at Ucchan's, "Anou, have you seen Ryouga-sama?"  
  
Konatsu, the bishonen kunoichi, dressed in a girl's kimono and an apron   
bearing the word 'Ucchan', shook his head. He smiled, looking very much like   
a beautiful girl, "But I'm sure he'll come around eventually. He always turns   
up when you least expect him!"  
  
Akari nodded and sat down on a stool, looking at the menu. All of a sudden,  
Ukyou burst in, "Where's Ran-chan?"  
  
Ryouga followed, "And Akane-san?"  
  
Akari smiled brightly, "Ryouga-sama!"  
  
Ryouga stopped and blinked, "A-akari-chan!" I'm meant to be with her, aren't  
I? a part of himself thought. He started blushing a little.  
  
"Ranma? He's not here," Konatsu smiled happily at Ukyou, the pretty red  
lipstick matching the flower in his long hair, highlighting his glorious  
smile.  
  
Ukyou stopped. Konatsu... I remember how things should be... She sighed a  
little, But I still must try to find Ran-chan.  
  
At that moment Akane rushed through the door, "What did you feed us last  
night!? I *know* things that... are strange! Like I knew to find you here,  
and I how Ranma and I..."  
  
"A-akane-san!" Ryouga said, still blushing.  
  
Ranma entered, still sporting the bruise from Akane's slap. "And you two must  
know, too."  
  
Akari and Konatsu looked confused, making them look especially feminine and  
cute.  
  
Ukyou sighed, "Something that shows the truth... You two haven't... yet?"  
  
At this, Ryouga looked up, consternation written all over his face.  
  
Akane looked at Ranma, both of them looking uncomfortable.  
  
"You did!?" cried Ryouga.  
  
Both Ranma and Akane nodded slowly.  
  
Ukyou sighed, feeling the pain of loss, even though she knew this was going  
to happen. The small spark of hope faded.  
  
The pain ripped through Ryouga, even though he, too, knew. He grabbed his  
head with both hands, "Nooooooooo!!"  
  
Akari stared, but moved forward to try to comfort Ryouga, having no idea  
what was wrong, "Ryouga-sama!"  
  
Konatsu shook his head, his long ponytail swinging, "What is it?"  
  
Ranma looked at Akane for a moment, then looked down, "Akane and I are  
married." The he muttered, "And I finally found out I'm in love with a  
violent, kawaikunee, irokeganee tomboy."  
  
Akane growled,punching him up, out of the restaurant through the new skylight,  
made by Ranma's head. Then she blinked, suddenly realising what he'd said  
before the insult. "And... I love that insensitive, sex-changing jerk." She  
muttered, then quickly turned on her heels, running off to find Ranma at the  
other end of his parabolic arc of flight.  
  
Time seemed to freeze for those in the restaurant... Ryouga and Ukyou knowing  
that they will be happy in the future, but letting the pain fill them for  
now... Konatsu at Ukyou's side, Akari looking after Ryouga... Both filled  
with hope for a bright future with the ones they love, not knowing...  
  
[The river]  
  
A female Ranma clambered out of the river where she had landed. She squeezed  
the water out of her hair and clothes. "Feh, I only told people how I feel  
for my iinazuke... I mean 'wife'... And she hits me!" Ranma was not used to  
the word 'wife' for Akane. She sighed.  
  
"I... I know, Ranma... but..."  
  
Ranma looked over at the voice. Akane stood there, looking uncomfortable.  
  
"Well... I guess it can't be helped," onna Ranma said. She moved to Akane and  
took her hand, "Let's go home."  
  
Akane smiled softly, nodding, then they set off to the doujou.  
  
[A year later]  
  
Kodachi and Mousse sat down together, along with Akari and Ryouga, Ukyou and  
Konatsu, Azusa and Tsubasa, Nabiki and Kunou, Asuka and Mikado, and Akane and  
Ranma. The last year had changed them all, some in little ways, some more  
comprehensively.  
  
Mousse had been captured by the insane Kodachi after she heard about Akane  
and Ranma's wedding, in a vain hope of winning Ranma back... but her plan  
failed completely... She was still as crazy as ever, but her affections had  
changed. Mousse had lost his glasses while he was being kidnapped, and had  
thought that she was Shampoo for a long time! But when he eventually found  
out who she really was, he was in love with her. Sometimes he wondered where  
Shampoo was, but he knew, deep inside, that she had left him for good.  
  
Ryouga had calmed down, over time, with Akari's help. He could never  
completely forget about Akane, but he was happy loving Akari. Akari, on the  
other hand, had not changed at all. She was still sweet and innocent, and she  
still loved Ryouga and pigs. They had talked things over, and were finally  
engaged. The only thing stopping them from marrying was Ryouga's inability to  
find the wedding hall.  
  
Konatsu and Ukyou's appearances had not changed much at all. He still looked  
like a stunningly beautiful girl, and she looked more and more like a guy.  
One change was that Konatsu was getting paid more to work at Ucchan's... a  
whole ten yen! But they were a happy, perfectly matched pair.  
  
The other cross-dresser in the group had been 'acquired' by Azusa. He looked  
far too cute in a dress for his own good! Tsubasa, now known as 'Eliza', was  
happy to be cute for cute girls... And Azusa was *the* cutest! Azusa, for her  
part, was just happy to have a 'pet' who could talk with her, rather than  
just sit there, or try to run away.  
  
Tatewaki was still as dense as ever, but Nabiki had wormed her way into his  
heart (not to mention his wallet!) when she had knocked him out after he  
tried to kill Ranma for marrying Akane. A well placed plate of Akane's cooking  
over his head did wonders!  
  
Asuka the White Lily had come back early to challenge Kodachi with her latest  
man. Unfortunately his girlfriend had found him and taken him home. It was   
then that she had met Mikado. He was perfect to beat Kodachi, so she had   
captured him for herself. Mikado just went along with her because she was a   
cute... interesting woman he hadn't kissed yet. Unfortunately for him, he met   
with a love potion gas in a bunch of white lilies... Both Kodachi and Asuka  
were still trying to convince the other that their boyfriend was the cutest.  
  
Ranma and Akane, despite all their fights, were happily married. They sat  
close together, enjoying a sweet moment between their arguments... But these  
moment were getting longer, the fights further and further apart...  
  
"Thanks for coming to celebrate our wedding anniversary," Ranma said, "I  
guess we're all ready for the food!"  
  
Akane elbowed him, "Don't be so impatient! Oh, here's oneechan."  
  
Ranma coughed and looked around, "Well, before the food, I'd like to say  
congratulations for Toufuu-sensei and Kasumi-oneechan's engagement!"  
  
Kasumi looked sweet and smiled at everyone, "Maa..."  
  
Toufuu followed her in, blushing, a hand behind his head. His glasses were  
still fogged. He looked like he was about to break into a chorus of 'zun  
cha cha' any second, although he was learning to control himself.  
  
"Congratulations!"  
  
"Oh, that's wonderful!"  
  
"I'm so happy for you!"  
  
The congratulations and well-wishes poured out as Kasumi and Toufuu served  
the food. Genma, Nodoka, Souun and most of the people Ranma and Akane had  
ever met joined the party.  
  
Everyone, it seemed, was happy.  
  
[The Mohabe Desert]  
  
A small pink-purple cat with an old prune-like woman on a stick ran and  
pogoed, respectively, through the sand. The cat was yowling pitifully. Behind  
the pair ran twin Chinese girls, attacking them with various plants, poisons,  
gases and 'medicines'... Rink and Pink would never give up until they killed  
their arch-rival, the girl who had beaten up the innocent one of the twins  
for the other's deeds. They *WOULD* get her back for the thousands of beatings  
since that time. "Kill! We kill Shampoo! Over!"  
  
The cat and ghoul ran off into the everlasting sunset, the twins chasing  
them...  
  
A small package landed in the desert sands. The description on the air mail   
sticker read : 'One decrepit, old hentai. Do NOT open!'  
  
[The Tendou Doujou]  
  
Back in Japan, the party went on through the night at the Saotome To Tendou  
Doujou.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Extra special thanks to my two editors, Alex and Martin, for going over my  
work and adding in all the extra silly lines. ^_^  
  
This was a fun one to write, so I didn't take it too seriously. ^_^ Hope you  
had fun reading it!  
  
Now... for translations ... ^_^  
  
Ittai wa doko da - Where on earth am I?  
  
Buta - Pig  
  
Muko-dono - Groom  
  
Urusee - Shut up  
  
Kawaikunee - Uncute  
  
Irokeganee - Sexless  
  
Daijoubu - Are you okay?  
  
Musabetsu Kakuto Ryuu - Anything goes unarmed fighting school  
  
Ureshii - I'm happy  
  
Oneechan - Elder sister  
  
Iinazuke - Fiancee  
  
Masaka - It couldn't be  
  
Itai - Owch  
  
Gaijin - Foreigner  
  
Now, as a side note about why Ukyou took the wrong bottle. One of the sets of  
writing in Japan is called kanji. This writing uses Chinese characters which  
may or may not mean exactly the same thing, depending on the character and  
how it's used. For example, Ranma's name means the same thing in both Japanese  
and Chinese, whereas the character for 'I','Me','Myself', etc, in Japanese  
means 'Private' in Chinese. So, Ukyou, in her hurry to grab the right bottle,  
didn't bother to check the kanji probably, so grabed on with the character  
for 'spice' on it. Although she DID see the right kanji (on the right bottle)  
but she took the wrong one, in her hurry. Another example of Japanese not  
being able to fully read Chinese characters comes from Genma dragging Ranma  
off to Jyusenkyou. Genma couldn't read the 'Jyu' (curse) or 'Sen' (spring?)  
characters, and so didn't know the trouble he was getting into. He only  
knew it was a training ground! Well, that it for explanations here! ^_^  
  
Kunoichi@AnimeMUCK  
Kunoichi(-oni/Hathor)@AnimeMUSH  
Lum@RanmaMUCK  
Akane@SpiritMUCK  
Caroline@RealLife  
  
http://www.thekeep.org/~kunoichi/kunoichi/fanfics.html  



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